There
is no doubt about it, parents worry about their children!
One of the things that parents want most for their children is success
at school. Underachievement at
school can be one of the most frustrating challenges for a concerned parent. In the next few paragraphs, I hope to provide parents with an
understanding of the psychology of underachievement and to say a few things
about the personal and developmental characteristics of the underachiever.
In the next article I hope to touch on a few principles that parents
should keep in mind as they try to be helpful to the underachiever and to
offer some practical suggestions for helping the underachieving child with his
or her underachievement at school.
All
of us, adults and children alike, make efforts to succeed in areas where we
both care about the outcome of our efforts and believe that our efforts will
lead to success in achieving the outcome that we desire.
If we don't value or desire a particular outcome, we won't work to
achieve it. If we don't believe
that our efforts will achieve the outcome, we won't work for it.
A child who does not believe that academic success is important will
not work for it. A child who does
not believe that he or she can be successful in school (even if he believes
that success at school is important) won't make a consistent effort to do well
at school. If we want our
children to be successful at school we must help them understand the value and
importance of academic achievement and
we should help them believe that they can be successful students.
As
children grow older (typically by the end of the elementary school years)
children develop opinions of themselves regarding their strengths and
weaknesses in many areas, including their abilities as students.
As children grow older, these opinions and beliefs that children
develop about themselves tend to crystallize (in that they do not change
dramatically despite short-term setbacks or successes).
By the beginning of the middle school years, many students have
developed firm and somewhat inflexible beliefs about themselves as students
and about their ability to achieve as students.
For under-achievers, these beliefs tend to be fairly negative.
Many academic underachievers tend to be pessimistic in that they have
lost faith in themselves in their ability to achieve.
Academic achievers, on the other hand, tend to be optimistic students,
having come to believe that if they make an effort at school then good things
will happen and they will be successful.
It is important to understand that academic under-achievers are not
necessarily unmotivated in every respect.
These youngsters may be highly motivated in certain areas of their
lives (but not necessarily in areas that are important to their parents or
teachers. For example,
many academic under-achievers are highly motivated socially (that is, their
social life is very important to them, that they believe that they can achieve
success socially and they work very hard to be successful socially).
Some under-achieving students are highly motivated as attention-seekers
(believing that they are skilled in controlling adult attention, the attention
of their parents and teachers, and they have come to find that controlling
adult attention can be very rewarding).
Let
us now discuss some of the more important characteristics of academic
under-achievers. Most
under-achievers find it difficult to do "hard" or "boring"
things. They are typically unable
to do things that they don't "feel" like doing.
They have not learned to apply and sustain effort and they have not
learned healthy stick-to-it-iveness. As
such, they are many times seen as being "lazy" and irresponsible.
Many
under-achievers are reluctant to accept challenges, being excessively afraid
of failure. They tend to be
uncomfortable with competition. Many
times, these children are lacking in self-confidence.
They tend to believe that if they make an effort in a certain area but
then don't succeed in their effort they then would find it difficult to accept
the disappointment that they or their parents might feel.
Most
under-achievers tend to be rather disorganized, inefficient, prone to dawdle
and delay, and rather careless. Under-achievers
tend to produce work of poor quality, have poor study skills, and have poor
goal-setting skills (for example, many under-achievers tend to set lofty goals
for themselves without thinking carefully about the steps that are required to
achieve those goals).
Many
under-achievers tend to be excessively dependent upon the attention of their
parents and teachers and many under-achievers are very skilled at controlling
their parent’s attention to them. These
children will often times work very little unless a parent is attending to
them as they work and they may be unwilling to work unless the parent is
watching them carefully. Many
under-achievers also are excessively dependent upon the attention of their
peers and are easily influenced by their peers.
Finally,
many under-achievers display other behavioral problems at home and at school.
Parents of under-achieving children frequently complain that they find
their children to be oppositional, resistant, and defiant.
Much of the misbehavior that some under-achieving children display is
performed solely for the purposes of seeking the attention of others.
School
underachievement is a complex problem that is caused by a number of factors,
different influences for different children.
Underachievement can be caused by depression, anxiety, or low
self-esteem. Some students
under-achieve because they are troubled by family stresses and problems.
Underachievement can be caused by excessively high parental expectation
(parents who expect too much or tend to be too critical) or, on the other
hand, excessively low parental expectation (parents who expect too little).
Underachievement can be caused by parental disinterest and lack of
involvement. Sometimes, the
parents of under-achieving students simply don't place enough value on the
importance of education and success at school.
A
primary cause of underachievement for some children is, oddly enough, the
excessively helpful parent. Many
under-achieving children have not learned how to do things for themselves
because their parents have not encouraged them to be self-sufficient and have
not taught them the skills of effort and responsibility.
It is extremely important that the parent avoid the temptation of being
too helpful and overprotective.
I
would like to use the next few paragraphs to discuss a few principles to keep
in mind when attempting to be helpful to an under-achieving student and to
offer some practical tips and suggestions.
Focus
on success. It is important,
in a calm way, to express your confidence in your children’s abilities and
to let them know that you expect them to be successful in those activities and
endeavors that are important to them. When
they are successful provide them with reasonable, measured, and precise
acknowledgment of their successes (however small you might think them
to be).
Provide
success experiences. Encourage
your child to be active and involved in a range of activities where you think
that they might enjoy small successes. Give
them responsibilities (such as regular household chores and duties) so that
they will learn that they can be competent and successful members of the
family.
Maintain
a positive relationship with the under-achieving child.
Under-achieving children can be frustrating children.
It is easy to become impatient and angry with children who don't do
what we think they should do. However,
it is important to remain calm with our frustration and to be as positive in
tone with the under-achieving child as we can be.
It is important that we maintain a positive relationship with the
under-achiever, striving to be supportive to the child in constructive ways
and to remain the child's ally. It
may be impossible to be helpful to the underachieving child who perceives us
as adversaries.
Hold
the under-achieving child accountable!
It is extremely important that we be firm and consistent with our
expectations of under-achieving children and that we enforce the limits and
rules that we establish for them. Just
as we recognize and acknowledge their successes,
we must hold them accountable for misbehavior, lack of effort, and lack of
compliance with appropriate expectations.
Emphasis
"competition" with the child's past performance, not with others.
As was mentioned previously, many under-achieving children are
intimidated by competition and will avoid direct competition with others.
We should make efforts to emphasize the child's improvement relative to
his or her past performance. It
can also be helpful to encourage cooperative competition in groups (such as in
team sports activities).
Be
careful and judicious with criticism.
Never criticize the under-achieving child in front of his or her peers
or in the presence of other family members.
It is extremely important to avoid sarcasm. Never use labels (such as “stupid” or “lazy”).
As was mentioned above, limit your attention to negative behaviors (and
focus on positive and successful behaviors).
Avoid emotional overreaction, making every effort to remain calm and
pleasant in your responses to negative behaviors.
Use
short-term consequences. Many
parents of under-achieving children attempt to entice the under-achieving
child by offering long-term rewards for good
grades (for example, offering a child a new bicycle if the child earns grades
of "C" or better). Many
under-achieving children lack persistence
and stamina and are simply unable to work for long-term rewards.
Small and more immediate rewards (and consequences) for short-term
successes tend to be more helpful.
Be
realistic in your goals. It
is extremely important that adults who are attempting to work with
under-achieving children keep in mind that nothing we can do will yield
dramatic benefits for the under-achieving student in the short run.
We should be prepared for the long-run.
Especially at first, focus less on grades and more on changes that will
lead to improved grades (such as compliance with a regular homework).
It is important that we target our efforts on specific achievable
short-term goals and less on the longer term goals (such as good grades) that
are harder to control in the short run.
Recognize
that under-achieving children may be lacking in certain useful skills.
Many under-achieving children can benefit from efforts to teach them
useful study skills, useful goal-setting skills, and practical organizational
skills. Sometimes parents can be
helpful in these areas; sometimes tutors in the schools can provide the needed
instruction in these areas.
It
is important to remember that underachievement, once it develops, is a
long-term problem and one that may take years to fully remedy.
We should be modest and reasonable in our short-term expectations of
the under-achieving student. Nothing
we do in the short run should be expected to help the under-achieving child
dramatically. Every strategy we
develop should be a long-term strategy. We
should expect changes in small steps over the course of months or, perhaps,
years (and, specifically, not days or weeks).
We should emphasize positive, attempting to maintain a balance between
sensitivity, warmth, and support on the one hand, and the ability to be firm
on the other. We should recognize
that many under-achieving children will attempt to control our attention, the
attention of his or her teachers, or the attention of his or her peers.
We need to respond to those attention-seeking behaviors calmly and
firmly, without anger or annoyance. Good
luck!
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Pauquette
